


Something Secondary

by ice_hot_13



Category: Original Work
Genre: Hockey, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ice_hot_13/pseuds/ice_hot_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron is chosen to be an all-star, and Ryan is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Secondary

 Their game tonight is one of their later ones, starting at 11:30, and Aaron’s really feeling it today. He’s been working on his paper all day, had to work in the afternoon, and hockey’s the last thing he wants to drag himself to right now. He’d have bailed, but he’s a fucking Werewolf and bailing is  _not_ something wolves do, and if Ryan’s here, he can surely stick it out, too. He had to practically coax Ryan into the car today, because Ryan stayed up until two to finish a report, spent today studying for the midterm that was at four and the one tomorrow at three. Ryan’s a fascinating combination of sleepy and surly, and okay, maybe that’s more entertaining than it should be. Aaron’s allowed to be affectionate here; he earned that right when he pushed Ryan up against the wall last year and informed Ryan that he was in love with him, and then begged Ryan not to kill him for it. That was goddamn hard, but whatever, it was completely worth it. It also made his life a lot easier; it’s way easier to convince Ryan to do things like  _just come to hockey goddammit_ or  _stop studying and go to sleep so you can function tomorrow_ when he has thinks like kisses and blowjobs to offer. He’s become a lot more effective in convincing Ryan to do things for his own good.

            “Can’t we just go home?” Ryan whines as they cross the parking lot. Aaron pulls Ryan’s stick out of his hands, carries it with his own.

            “No, you needed a break anyways.”

            “Did not.”

            “When you start sleeping on your books, it’s time to take a break.”

            “Wasn’t sleeping,” Ryan mutters, definitely pouting. As if Aaron doesn’t know how to snap him out of that. He takes a quick glance around the parking lot – empty of people, hardly anyone drives – and tugs Ryan to him.            

            “Just play,” he says, then presses his lips to Ryan’s. Ryan responds like he always does, drops whatever he’s holding and clings. The sting of this is finally wearing off, because it used to hurt, the fact that he was desperate for Aaron because he’d held off so long. The pain of waiting is wearing off, and now Aaron just smiles when Ryan makes those little moaning noises. “C’mon,” he says, nudging Ryan with his hip, “game time.”

            “Fuck,” Ryan picks his bag up off the ground, but he follows Aaron a little more willingly.

            Ryan signs in at the table first, steps aside to wait for Aaron. Aaron hands his student ID over, holds out his hand for a stamp.

            “Aaron,” the guy says, reading off the list, “congratulations-” he says as he presses the stamp against the back of Aaron’s hand, “You were chosen as an all-star.” He hands Aaron a little slip of paper saying just that.

            “All-star?” Aaron echoes faintly.

            “Yup. New thing, this year,” the guy says cheerfully, “we’ll have an all-star game, skills competition, it’ll be really great. Congrats!”

            “Uh. Thanks.” Aaron tucks the paper into his pocket, picks his gear bag back up. Ryan’s already heading towards the hallway. “What locker room?” Aaron asks when he catches up.

            “Four or something?” Ryan continues down the hallyway, doesn’t look back at him.

             _Fuck._ Aaron follows Ryan into the locker room silently, takes the spot next to Ryan on the bench. He hears the word  _all-star_ several times already, from the goalie, a winger, one of the defenders, sees that Ken’s invitation is sitting on the bench too.

            “There’s five, total,” Justin’s saying. Aaron focuses on setting down his bag, propping his stick up against the wall, having forgotten to set it by the door.

            “But we’ve got four- who’s fifth?” Jeff asks.

            “Oh, uh, I got it,” Aaron says, because they’re all expecting an answer. He looks at Ryan, who’s sitting on the bench with his head down, focussed on unzipping his bag. Everyone else does too, sneaking looks at Ryan, because he wasn’t invited. It doesn’t make  _sense,_ that Aaron would be and Ryan wouldn’t, because one without the other would leave them with entirely different games. If Aaron didn’t play with Ryan as his partner, he wouldn’t be all-star material, not even by this little rec league’s standards.

            “You got it too?” the goalie is saying to Matt. Matt nods eagerly. The goalie sighs, looks down at his own invitation, “this doesn’t mean as much to me anymore.”

            Matt scowls, but Khajit just laughs at him. For a moment, Aaron wishes Ryan would take it like him, but that’s inconceivable. Khajit and Matt barely ever play on the same line, they’re an off-ice pair; Ryan makes up half of Aaron’s game. Besides, Ryan wouldn’t be  _Ryan_ if he didn’t care; wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t take this quietly, pretending like it doesn’t bother him the way Aaron knows it does. He  _knows_ this makes Ryan feel second-rate, feel like he’s just an accessory to Aaron’s game, second-tier and half as important. People have been doing this to them their entire lives, because Aaron’s the one that scores, even though it’s all off of passes from Ryan.

            Aaron aches to pull Ryan aside, convince him that this doesn’t mean anything, but all he can do is watch the way Ryan doesn’t say anything to anyone, go through their game like he’s not really entirely here.

            After the game, he ends up giving Jeff a ride home, and Jeff’s happy to talk the entire time, doesn’t notice that Ryan barely says anything. Aaron’s glad when they drop Jeff off, finally pulls up at his own apartment.

            “I-” Ryan starts, looking at the building through the window.

            “Stay with me tonight,” Aaron says, gentle, but he’s not going to accept any arguments. He isn’t expecting any; Ryan just shrugs and gets out of the car. Aaron wishes he would argue, at least. He follows Aaron up to the apartment silently; Aaron’s roommate is gone, and the apartment is quiet and empty. Aaron turns up the heater, leaves his stuff in the entryway, pulls Ryan by the hand down the hallway to his room. He changes his clothes and crawls into bed, so he can watch Ryan strip off his shirt and steal one from Aaron’s drawer, too big on his lanky frame, shed his jeans, switch off the light and climb in next to Aaron. There are no remarks about how cold Aaron’s skin is; Ryan immediately burrows in close to him, head tucked under Aaron’s chin, their legs tangling together. Now Aaron knows without a shadow of a doubt that something’s wrong, not like he needed any more signs, because Ryan needs to be eased into cuddling.

            “So,” Aaron says, slowly running his hand up and down Ryan’s back, “wanna…?”

            “No.”

            Clearly, this is going to be a really easy, productive conversation. Aaron tries again. “About the-”

            “Really, no.”

            “But you’re-”

            “Fine. I’m fine.”

            Aaron wants to say something at that, like  _yeah obviously you’re fine, pretty sure you’re not letting me see your face because you’re about to cry,_ but he doesn’t, because that definitely wouldn’t help.

            He wants to believe this is just something like jealousy, or anger, or whatever, something petty and easily overlooked, something that makes Ryan in the wrong for acting like this. He wants to, but Ryan’s not like that. Ryan’s steady and mellow, he doesn’t go all quiet and hurt for something as stupid as jealousy. Aaron knows Ryan, understands the way his mind works, and that should be enough to help him figure this out on his own.

            He got chosen as an all-star and Ryan didn’t. This happens all the time, Aaron being singled out for things he couldn’t have achieved without Ryan’s help. All-star games, team awards, class projects, doing favours. Ryan will be a little quieter than normal for a while, but then he’ll be fine. Something’s changed in the situation.

            That’s when Aaron gets it. What’s changed is that now Ryan’s  _his,_ now they’re together. Now, Ryan’s worried that if the whole world thinks he’s just a secondary piece of this, of  _them,_ Aaron will too. He’s worried Aaron will realise he doesn’t need Ryan to complete him, that he could do all this on his own, like training wheels on a bike, worried Aaron will learn from this relationship and move on to the real thing with someone else.

            That’s not true, never could be, but now Aaron knows what’s wrong.

            “They shouldn’t have picked me without you,” he says quietly, “because I wouldn’t play as well without you anyways.”

            “’m  sure you would,” Ryan mumbles, and Aaron was definitely right. Ryan wants to be a pair forever, and Aaron sees glimpses sometimes of the little boy that lit up when Aaron said  _I like you best,_ the one that wanted to belong to him, hated when anyone else tried to take his place. Maybe Ryan’s always been worried that he needs Aaron more than Aaron needs him.

            “No, and I wouldn’t want to try,” Aaron says, “hockey’s no fun without you.” Ryan sniffles a little, doesn’t say anything. “I love you best,” Aaron whispers, and Ryan finally looks up at him.

            “What if you don’t need me one day?” he asks, this small voice that Aaron never wants to have to hear, so painful and raw.

            “I always will,” he promises, “and besides, I don’t just need you, I  _want_ you. So fucking much, Ry. I just- love you. I couldn’t live without you, and I wouldn’t want to.”

            “Oh,” Ryan says softly, like it’s a revelation, that Aaron needs him as much as he needs Aaron. And maybe Aaron should have made sure he  _knew_ that, but now’s a good as time as any. Aaron cups Ryan’s face in his hands, kisses him slow and gentle, all the tender care that Ryan deserves.

            “It’s always been you, it’s always going to be you,” he promises, “you can count on that, okay? Promise.”

            Ryan sighs out a breath, scoots back in against Aaron’s chest. “I love you,” he whispers, and it shouldn’t make Aaron’s heart beat that much faster, but it does, because he tosses that around all the time because loving Ryan is just what he does, and Ryan doesn’t do that. Ryan’s always seemed to think he was overly needy to Aaron, overcompensating with distance, and Aaron’s only heard  _I love you_ a few times, and if every time leaves him breathless, so what, Ryan just has that effect on him.

            “Hey,” Ryan adds a few moments later, “really proud of you for being an all-star.” Aaron doesn’t tear up at that, he  _doesn’t,_ but he ducks his head and hugs Ryan tight.

            “Wouldn’t be one without you.”

            That’s all it comes down to, really. They’d get by on their own, but they achieve a world of things when they’re together. Aaron wouldn’t be an all-star without Ryan, and he just knows that one day, Ryan’s going to come into his own too, there’s going to be a place where he’s the one that’ll light it up like never before, and Aaron’s going to be able to say  _I helped make him the best,_ with more pride than he’s ever felt before. Ryan’s going to believe he’s capable of that one day, and when he does, he’s going to be great. He’s going to win the world, and Aaron’s going to be there to love him every bit as much as he did when they were just figuring out that they could be everything together, love Ryan even more than he did back then. It doesn’t matter what happens, because that’s something they can count on, because they’ve always loved each other and they’re always, always going to. Everything else is secondary.


End file.
